H7 Story: Re:gen Leaders Testimony - Volker Kemmann
Volker Kemmann’s Re:Gen Testimony
My name is Volker. I have had a new life in Christ for almost as long as I can remember, and I am in recovery from several sins I will share throughout my story.
I was born in Felburg, a small town in Germany. From my earliest childhood memories, my parents and grandparents would ask me in a loving and concerned way if I was saved. These questions were something like, "Did you give your heart to the Lord Jesus?" or, "Are you already a sheep of the Lord Jesus?" I knew from the bedtime stories my mom read to us what that meant. I knew it also from the songs our dad or our mom sang with us every night when we went to bed. It was part of their prayers for all of their children – I was the fourth of eight children. They prayed that Jesus would become our Savior while we were still young. I also knew it from Sunday school. The message of the Bible was clear to me: God the Father in heaven loves me. But unless my sins were forgiven, there would be no place for me in heaven. He had sent Jesus, who never sinned and who had so much love for me that He was willing to die on a cross for my sins. I knew I had to pray and confess my sins. I also knew I had sinned, and I knew that even with one sin, I could not go to heaven. I also knew that the Lord Jesus would come back and take all His own to heaven.
My parents, my grandparents, and my older siblings were already saved. Jesus returning could happen at any time, and I would stay behind. I knew that even my little siblings, who were too young to be responsible, would be going to heaven. In one of our favorite bedtime songs, Jesus said that very clearly: “Let the little children come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:13–15). All of this was part of my childhood. I remember very well that I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked Him to forgive my sins, kneeling in front of my bed and afterward getting up with the joy of having it done. Now I could answer without a bad conscience when a grandparent would ask if I was saved. I remember my parents being happy when I told them.
This could have been the end of my story of how I got saved, but it wasn't. I did not expect that there would be thoughts of doubt coming up in my mind, but there definitely were. My conclusion was that maybe I did something wrong when I prayed. So I prayed again to the Lord Jesus. I asked Him to accept me as His own, and I confessed the sins I remembered. That helped for some time, but somehow those doubts kept coming back. I avoided talking to anyone about these doubts because I didn't want to admit that my faith was weak, but I listened to every hint for assurance of salvation in the sermons or at Sunday school. I also loved reading and hearing stories of how people came to Christ in Christian adventure books, in Bible tracts, and when my grandfather came visiting once or twice each year. He told us how he had conversations with people while going door-to-door in the villages of the Black Forest area where he lived. I just loved these stories, and some had just happened during his six-hour train ride coming to visit us. It made me happy to hear how people got saved. I started to look for occasions to talk to my friends at school about the gospel.
That was the time when the test came. It was a summer afternoon, a little before dinnertime, and I had been playing soccer on a little field about a minute away from our house with friends, siblings, and my dad. That afternoon, we had enough to host a small tournament. There was a time when my team was sitting and watching the others play. I got thirsty and had to walk a minute or two to get to our home and have some water, drinking directly from the kitchen sink.
I suddenly noticed that nobody seemed to be home. The silence in the house felt eerie. That was unusual. My mom was always there, or at least my older sister, because we had a toddler whose crib was in our living room. My terrifying thought was back and hit harder than ever before: Had the Lord come while I had left the soccer field just before I arrived at home? I checked the living room and found my little brother's bed empty, the blanket disheveled. That would not be like my mother; she would have folded it. My fear turned into panic. I knew from the Bible that the rapture would happen in a blink of an eye. You can read that in 1 Corinthians 15:52. And the little ones would not be left behind. Everything fit with what I had heard from childhood. But what had I done wrong? There was a small chance that my mom was doing laundry in our basement and had just taken the toddler with her, so he would not be alone upstairs. But she wasn’t there either. I started praying.
That is when the answer came: “Whoever comes to me, I will never cast out.” It was what Jesus said that made me safe, not how well I believed. I was still in our basement when that assurance came, and He has never left me since. I can finish this simple story—which was anything but simple for me—by telling you that I still felt a little relief while I went back to the soccer field when I started hearing the shouting of my friends. Later that day during dinner, I found out that Mom had run out of an ingredient while preparing our next meal and had picked up my little brother to walk over to our neighbor to get what she needed.
Now comes the question: why would I be here going through the regeneration program for the second time already? Before I came here for the first time three years ago, I felt I was keeping it all together pretty well—my spiritual life, my family life, and my work life. When something was not as it should be, I brushed that off as minor in the big picture. The only thing I felt missing was that I did not seem to be an effective disciple. So when I came to FCC and Re:Gen was recommended to me as part of their discipleship program, I thought I only needed to learn a few good tools to become more effective in following the Great Commission. I also hoped that I would secondarily be able to deal with some past church hurt I had encountered. Instead, Re:Gen pointed me to passages in God's Word, where I realized the issues that kept me from being who I should be are the pride and the self-righteousness that have their roots in my heart. They had caused habits and patterns in my behavior, which I used to keep a good reputation, even in areas where that was just a facade. I realized that my story needed a new header. Yes, I have had a new life in Christ for over 50 years. But I need to recover from pride and self-righteousness, and from the habit of interrupting others instead of listening to them. I had not learned to use the tools He provides in His Word to become honest and vulnerable about every sin in my life.
I always knew and admitted I had a sinful old nature, still rearing its ugly head on me on unguarded occasions. I believed that God's forgiveness was because Jesus had paid for my sins, and I trusted that God had made me alive together with Christ. You read that in Ephesians 2. It was during the weekly times in my step group, where I learned to trust and become friends with the men in my group. I was able to take an honest moral inventory, like David did in Psalm 51, and confess my sin not only to God. These helpful step group meetings were followed up by many encouraging, but also eye-opening, conversations with my mentor.
I realized that my desire to avoid conflict made me talk over others when they were needing my support to address an issue that I did not want to deal with. I learned about the root idol of comfort, which is hiding behind my desire for entertainment. I realized that I used entertainment to distract me from issues, rather than addressing them before the Lord in prayer, or in a conversation with fellow believers or my family. Even my thoughts or actions triggered by lust did not escape being addressed. An honest confession to a trusted believer is one of the most helpful tools God gives us to keep us from repeating them.
I am not finished. I'm still a work in progress. God is still changing me. But as I realize that I am His work in progress, I'm thankful that He already uses me despite my shortcomings, noticeably more than in most of my past. God showed me through Re:Gen that my own judgment of those sins that I tried brushing off as minor in the big picture were completely wrong. Any sin will somehow interfere with my intimacy with God, and affect my usefulness as a disciple.
So, if I may encourage you, I'd like to say this program is the best Bible study I have gone through in 50 years. It helps you understand how God's Word applies to all the effects of sin in our lives — be it our sins to others or others’ sins towards us. It also shows us how to respond after damage has been done, and helps us to be aware of bad patterns. The strongest tool for that is a growing intimacy with God and His people, by serving Him with them, by enjoying His Word, and by praying more than I used to.
In closing, I want to thank the staff and volunteers here at FCC, who are investing so much of their time in providing this opportunity to me. This also extends to my group, my group co-leader, and my mentor. They all patiently listen to me and keep praying for and with me. Thank you.
My name is Volker. I have had a new life in Christ for almost as long as I can remember, and I am in recovery from several sins I will share throughout my story.
I was born in Felburg, a small town in Germany. From my earliest childhood memories, my parents and grandparents would ask me in a loving and concerned way if I was saved. These questions were something like, "Did you give your heart to the Lord Jesus?" or, "Are you already a sheep of the Lord Jesus?" I knew from the bedtime stories my mom read to us what that meant. I knew it also from the songs our dad or our mom sang with us every night when we went to bed. It was part of their prayers for all of their children – I was the fourth of eight children. They prayed that Jesus would become our Savior while we were still young. I also knew it from Sunday school. The message of the Bible was clear to me: God the Father in heaven loves me. But unless my sins were forgiven, there would be no place for me in heaven. He had sent Jesus, who never sinned and who had so much love for me that He was willing to die on a cross for my sins. I knew I had to pray and confess my sins. I also knew I had sinned, and I knew that even with one sin, I could not go to heaven. I also knew that the Lord Jesus would come back and take all His own to heaven.
My parents, my grandparents, and my older siblings were already saved. Jesus returning could happen at any time, and I would stay behind. I knew that even my little siblings, who were too young to be responsible, would be going to heaven. In one of our favorite bedtime songs, Jesus said that very clearly: “Let the little children come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:13–15). All of this was part of my childhood. I remember very well that I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked Him to forgive my sins, kneeling in front of my bed and afterward getting up with the joy of having it done. Now I could answer without a bad conscience when a grandparent would ask if I was saved. I remember my parents being happy when I told them.
This could have been the end of my story of how I got saved, but it wasn't. I did not expect that there would be thoughts of doubt coming up in my mind, but there definitely were. My conclusion was that maybe I did something wrong when I prayed. So I prayed again to the Lord Jesus. I asked Him to accept me as His own, and I confessed the sins I remembered. That helped for some time, but somehow those doubts kept coming back. I avoided talking to anyone about these doubts because I didn't want to admit that my faith was weak, but I listened to every hint for assurance of salvation in the sermons or at Sunday school. I also loved reading and hearing stories of how people came to Christ in Christian adventure books, in Bible tracts, and when my grandfather came visiting once or twice each year. He told us how he had conversations with people while going door-to-door in the villages of the Black Forest area where he lived. I just loved these stories, and some had just happened during his six-hour train ride coming to visit us. It made me happy to hear how people got saved. I started to look for occasions to talk to my friends at school about the gospel.
That was the time when the test came. It was a summer afternoon, a little before dinnertime, and I had been playing soccer on a little field about a minute away from our house with friends, siblings, and my dad. That afternoon, we had enough to host a small tournament. There was a time when my team was sitting and watching the others play. I got thirsty and had to walk a minute or two to get to our home and have some water, drinking directly from the kitchen sink.
I suddenly noticed that nobody seemed to be home. The silence in the house felt eerie. That was unusual. My mom was always there, or at least my older sister, because we had a toddler whose crib was in our living room. My terrifying thought was back and hit harder than ever before: Had the Lord come while I had left the soccer field just before I arrived at home? I checked the living room and found my little brother's bed empty, the blanket disheveled. That would not be like my mother; she would have folded it. My fear turned into panic. I knew from the Bible that the rapture would happen in a blink of an eye. You can read that in 1 Corinthians 15:52. And the little ones would not be left behind. Everything fit with what I had heard from childhood. But what had I done wrong? There was a small chance that my mom was doing laundry in our basement and had just taken the toddler with her, so he would not be alone upstairs. But she wasn’t there either. I started praying.
That is when the answer came: “Whoever comes to me, I will never cast out.” It was what Jesus said that made me safe, not how well I believed. I was still in our basement when that assurance came, and He has never left me since. I can finish this simple story—which was anything but simple for me—by telling you that I still felt a little relief while I went back to the soccer field when I started hearing the shouting of my friends. Later that day during dinner, I found out that Mom had run out of an ingredient while preparing our next meal and had picked up my little brother to walk over to our neighbor to get what she needed.
Now comes the question: why would I be here going through the regeneration program for the second time already? Before I came here for the first time three years ago, I felt I was keeping it all together pretty well—my spiritual life, my family life, and my work life. When something was not as it should be, I brushed that off as minor in the big picture. The only thing I felt missing was that I did not seem to be an effective disciple. So when I came to FCC and Re:Gen was recommended to me as part of their discipleship program, I thought I only needed to learn a few good tools to become more effective in following the Great Commission. I also hoped that I would secondarily be able to deal with some past church hurt I had encountered. Instead, Re:Gen pointed me to passages in God's Word, where I realized the issues that kept me from being who I should be are the pride and the self-righteousness that have their roots in my heart. They had caused habits and patterns in my behavior, which I used to keep a good reputation, even in areas where that was just a facade. I realized that my story needed a new header. Yes, I have had a new life in Christ for over 50 years. But I need to recover from pride and self-righteousness, and from the habit of interrupting others instead of listening to them. I had not learned to use the tools He provides in His Word to become honest and vulnerable about every sin in my life.
I always knew and admitted I had a sinful old nature, still rearing its ugly head on me on unguarded occasions. I believed that God's forgiveness was because Jesus had paid for my sins, and I trusted that God had made me alive together with Christ. You read that in Ephesians 2. It was during the weekly times in my step group, where I learned to trust and become friends with the men in my group. I was able to take an honest moral inventory, like David did in Psalm 51, and confess my sin not only to God. These helpful step group meetings were followed up by many encouraging, but also eye-opening, conversations with my mentor.
I realized that my desire to avoid conflict made me talk over others when they were needing my support to address an issue that I did not want to deal with. I learned about the root idol of comfort, which is hiding behind my desire for entertainment. I realized that I used entertainment to distract me from issues, rather than addressing them before the Lord in prayer, or in a conversation with fellow believers or my family. Even my thoughts or actions triggered by lust did not escape being addressed. An honest confession to a trusted believer is one of the most helpful tools God gives us to keep us from repeating them.
I am not finished. I'm still a work in progress. God is still changing me. But as I realize that I am His work in progress, I'm thankful that He already uses me despite my shortcomings, noticeably more than in most of my past. God showed me through Re:Gen that my own judgment of those sins that I tried brushing off as minor in the big picture were completely wrong. Any sin will somehow interfere with my intimacy with God, and affect my usefulness as a disciple.
So, if I may encourage you, I'd like to say this program is the best Bible study I have gone through in 50 years. It helps you understand how God's Word applies to all the effects of sin in our lives — be it our sins to others or others’ sins towards us. It also shows us how to respond after damage has been done, and helps us to be aware of bad patterns. The strongest tool for that is a growing intimacy with God and His people, by serving Him with them, by enjoying His Word, and by praying more than I used to.
In closing, I want to thank the staff and volunteers here at FCC, who are investing so much of their time in providing this opportunity to me. This also extends to my group, my group co-leader, and my mentor. They all patiently listen to me and keep praying for and with me. Thank you.