H7 Story: Reach out! You are not alone!
By Wendi Kitsteiner
It’s hard when you feel like “the only one.”
I had longed for children while my friends and family were passing me by. I never thought I’d be able to share a sweet picture of my family and the babies we longed to have. At church, I struggled with Mother’s Day services and Dedication Sundays because the grief became too deep. Even now, seeing congratulatory pics of cute babies on “The Pulse” video still pokes at me a bit and I wonder, “Who is in pain when they watch this?”
You see, I was an infertile woman.
Whether it be the inability to have children (as was the case with me), pregnancy loss, the loss of a child, or simply the fact that it’s taking longer than you had hoped to find the spouse that you hope will lead to children, those pictures can be painful. Unless you have travelled the road of infertility grief, that may be difficult to comprehend. How can little babies cause pain?
But it isn’t just that grief that may be wearing your heart down today. I wanted to remind you that if you ever feel like “the only one” please know, that no matter what it is you feel like “the only one” about, there is someone that can relate. There are people who can be there for you. You are not alone. It may be infertility grief like me. But it may also be something completely unrelated. Abuse. Divorce. Death. Sin.
You are not alone.
This week we will celebrate Mother’s Day. Maybe you are celebrating alone this year. Maybe you lost your mother this year. A child. Maybe you were never able to have children. Maybe you are at odds with a wayward child.
You are not alone.
FCC has created many avenues that you can travel to gain support for the loss you are facing. Whether it is your personal Life Group, your community on Monday nights at re:gen or even the people you serve with on Sunday, there are others who are there for you. You can seek out your Campus Pastor or anyone wearing a lanyard on a Sunday. Reach out! If they can’t help you, I can promise you that they will help you find someone who can support and encourage you no matter what journey you are on.
During one of our Wednesday night Life Group meetings at the home of David and Natalie Scott, Natalie told us a story about an acquaintance who didn’t feel like she had any friends. Her husband told her that he wouldn’t listen to her complain until she tried calling a friend and ask if they could go get a cup of coffee. She did. The friend said yes. She wasn’t alone.
Sometimes, we don’t get asked how we are doing enough. Sometimes it feels like no one cares or we are always the “reacher-outer.” But if you reach out to your FCC family, someone will come alongside you. Maybe you just need to unload. Maybe you need to be listened to. Maybe you need someone who can relate. Maybe it’s just a hug. But with as large as our church is, there is no question that someone will get it.
Over five years of failed attempts at pregnancy. More babies waiting for me in heaven than I can count. Our entire life savings completely depleted. And arms still very much empty. During my own incredible time of grief, I clung to the promise of Habakkuk 3:17-19:
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
I was determined that if my life would include the absence of children, my heart would remain in worship of the Lord. Just like Abraham was asked to give up the thing most important to him in his son Isaac, I would give up the thing most important to me.
My own story has a happy ending. At least presently. I remind myself often that this earth is not our final destination. Heaven is our finish line. Most likely, I will face even worse loss in the time I have left in this temporal life. After over fifteen failed attempts at a successful pregnancy including five failed attempts with IVF, we received an unexpected phone call. A family friend and an unexpected pregnancy. Would we adopt this little miracle? We said yes. Three more miracles would follow. If you see me now, you will see a mother pulling her hair out and wishing for a nap as she homeschools four children between the ages of 9 and 15.
Those losses sometimes feel like a lifetime ago. And yet, seeing a smiling baby can still bring the feeling of grief into a lump that lodges in my throat. A baby shower will leave me looking around frantically, wondering who is in the room in pain like I once was.
I don’t believe, if my life had continued along that rocky path, I would have ever completely “made peace.” It would be a daily choice to take up my cross and follow Him. Pain is real. Grief is hard. Loss is profound. But Jesus is there! I haven’t traveled every road of the grief journey. But I have traveled the road of “dreams not coming true.” Watching dreams come true for everyone else BUT you can be incredibly painful. I would be happy to support you in your journey.
Reach out.
You are not alone.
I had longed for children while my friends and family were passing me by. I never thought I’d be able to share a sweet picture of my family and the babies we longed to have. At church, I struggled with Mother’s Day services and Dedication Sundays because the grief became too deep. Even now, seeing congratulatory pics of cute babies on “The Pulse” video still pokes at me a bit and I wonder, “Who is in pain when they watch this?”
You see, I was an infertile woman.
Whether it be the inability to have children (as was the case with me), pregnancy loss, the loss of a child, or simply the fact that it’s taking longer than you had hoped to find the spouse that you hope will lead to children, those pictures can be painful. Unless you have travelled the road of infertility grief, that may be difficult to comprehend. How can little babies cause pain?
But it isn’t just that grief that may be wearing your heart down today. I wanted to remind you that if you ever feel like “the only one” please know, that no matter what it is you feel like “the only one” about, there is someone that can relate. There are people who can be there for you. You are not alone. It may be infertility grief like me. But it may also be something completely unrelated. Abuse. Divorce. Death. Sin.
You are not alone.
This week we will celebrate Mother’s Day. Maybe you are celebrating alone this year. Maybe you lost your mother this year. A child. Maybe you were never able to have children. Maybe you are at odds with a wayward child.
You are not alone.
FCC has created many avenues that you can travel to gain support for the loss you are facing. Whether it is your personal Life Group, your community on Monday nights at re:gen or even the people you serve with on Sunday, there are others who are there for you. You can seek out your Campus Pastor or anyone wearing a lanyard on a Sunday. Reach out! If they can’t help you, I can promise you that they will help you find someone who can support and encourage you no matter what journey you are on.
During one of our Wednesday night Life Group meetings at the home of David and Natalie Scott, Natalie told us a story about an acquaintance who didn’t feel like she had any friends. Her husband told her that he wouldn’t listen to her complain until she tried calling a friend and ask if they could go get a cup of coffee. She did. The friend said yes. She wasn’t alone.
Sometimes, we don’t get asked how we are doing enough. Sometimes it feels like no one cares or we are always the “reacher-outer.” But if you reach out to your FCC family, someone will come alongside you. Maybe you just need to unload. Maybe you need to be listened to. Maybe you need someone who can relate. Maybe it’s just a hug. But with as large as our church is, there is no question that someone will get it.
Over five years of failed attempts at pregnancy. More babies waiting for me in heaven than I can count. Our entire life savings completely depleted. And arms still very much empty. During my own incredible time of grief, I clung to the promise of Habakkuk 3:17-19:
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
I was determined that if my life would include the absence of children, my heart would remain in worship of the Lord. Just like Abraham was asked to give up the thing most important to him in his son Isaac, I would give up the thing most important to me.
My own story has a happy ending. At least presently. I remind myself often that this earth is not our final destination. Heaven is our finish line. Most likely, I will face even worse loss in the time I have left in this temporal life. After over fifteen failed attempts at a successful pregnancy including five failed attempts with IVF, we received an unexpected phone call. A family friend and an unexpected pregnancy. Would we adopt this little miracle? We said yes. Three more miracles would follow. If you see me now, you will see a mother pulling her hair out and wishing for a nap as she homeschools four children between the ages of 9 and 15.
Those losses sometimes feel like a lifetime ago. And yet, seeing a smiling baby can still bring the feeling of grief into a lump that lodges in my throat. A baby shower will leave me looking around frantically, wondering who is in the room in pain like I once was.
I don’t believe, if my life had continued along that rocky path, I would have ever completely “made peace.” It would be a daily choice to take up my cross and follow Him. Pain is real. Grief is hard. Loss is profound. But Jesus is there! I haven’t traveled every road of the grief journey. But I have traveled the road of “dreams not coming true.” Watching dreams come true for everyone else BUT you can be incredibly painful. I would be happy to support you in your journey.
Reach out.
You are not alone.
Posted in Tell the Story