H7 Story: “Something New You Can Learn”
When John and Sharon Harris walked into re|engage in January, they didn’t know if they needed or even wanted to enroll in a marriage class. After all, they’d been married for nearly 50 years! But they were open to whatever God wanted to show them, and by the end they clearly saw that, as always, He had good things planned for them.
“In our 50 years of marriage, we’d never done something like this before,” Sharon told me, and both agreed that it was a very beneficial experience. One of the blessings was being part of a small group with other couples who were on the same learning journey. Hearing others share honestly had a healing effect on them because it made them realize they weren’t alone in their struggles. And then listening to testimonies of how God worked to restore other marriages brought hope. John said they never wanted to miss a week because they couldn’t wait to see what God was going to show them!
Their small group leaders, Daniel and Meredith Shrader, attested to this. “John and Sharon were an encouragement and a reminder that no matter how long someone has been married, God continues to have work to do, to draw them closer to Him and to each other. John and Sharon’s vulnerability and commitment to grow together was encouraging. They faithfully engaged with the curriculum and the Word of God and persevered, even when things got hard, to continually move toward God and each other.”
So I was curious. Of all the lessons, which one made the biggest impact? Hands down, it was the lesson on communication, they both told me, because they learned a new roadmap for how to replace unhealthy communication patterns with healthy ones. John’s tendency is to withdraw and avoid whenever he and Sharon aren’t communicating well, but now he has begun to pause before reacting and to really listen to Sharon; to be more attentive so he can understand her. He said this has helped him not be so quick to anger but instead to be more gracious and understanding. Sharon said she tends to negatively interpret, but now she has begun to stop, listen, ask questions, and see things more accurately; to assume the best of John instead of looking for the worst. Additionally, rather than giving in to the temptation to shut down, they are both learning to share and understand what the other is feeling and thinking. A big change in perspective has also been realizing that they can’t change the other person. Only God can do that. So their focus now is on trusting God to work on their spouse while they, through the power of the Holy Spirit, treat the other as God, through His Word, asks of them. This trust and obedience, in turn, positively impacts their marriage.
At the end of re|engage, couples are always asked to commit to a next step in order to continue to press on toward growing in their love for God and each other. For John and Sharon, their next step is re:generation, FCC’s main discipleship ministry (fccgreene.org/regen). In their season of life, it’d be tempting to coast, but their commitment to grow in godliness reminds me of Philippians 3:14 (NLT), “I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Thank you, John and Sharon, for your example of pressing on till the day you receive that prize!
“In our 50 years of marriage, we’d never done something like this before,” Sharon told me, and both agreed that it was a very beneficial experience. One of the blessings was being part of a small group with other couples who were on the same learning journey. Hearing others share honestly had a healing effect on them because it made them realize they weren’t alone in their struggles. And then listening to testimonies of how God worked to restore other marriages brought hope. John said they never wanted to miss a week because they couldn’t wait to see what God was going to show them!
Their small group leaders, Daniel and Meredith Shrader, attested to this. “John and Sharon were an encouragement and a reminder that no matter how long someone has been married, God continues to have work to do, to draw them closer to Him and to each other. John and Sharon’s vulnerability and commitment to grow together was encouraging. They faithfully engaged with the curriculum and the Word of God and persevered, even when things got hard, to continually move toward God and each other.”
So I was curious. Of all the lessons, which one made the biggest impact? Hands down, it was the lesson on communication, they both told me, because they learned a new roadmap for how to replace unhealthy communication patterns with healthy ones. John’s tendency is to withdraw and avoid whenever he and Sharon aren’t communicating well, but now he has begun to pause before reacting and to really listen to Sharon; to be more attentive so he can understand her. He said this has helped him not be so quick to anger but instead to be more gracious and understanding. Sharon said she tends to negatively interpret, but now she has begun to stop, listen, ask questions, and see things more accurately; to assume the best of John instead of looking for the worst. Additionally, rather than giving in to the temptation to shut down, they are both learning to share and understand what the other is feeling and thinking. A big change in perspective has also been realizing that they can’t change the other person. Only God can do that. So their focus now is on trusting God to work on their spouse while they, through the power of the Holy Spirit, treat the other as God, through His Word, asks of them. This trust and obedience, in turn, positively impacts their marriage.
At the end of re|engage, couples are always asked to commit to a next step in order to continue to press on toward growing in their love for God and each other. For John and Sharon, their next step is re:generation, FCC’s main discipleship ministry (fccgreene.org/regen). In their season of life, it’d be tempting to coast, but their commitment to grow in godliness reminds me of Philippians 3:14 (NLT), “I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Thank you, John and Sharon, for your example of pressing on till the day you receive that prize!